Indirectly, they taught me a great deal, particularly in relation to my attitude to finance, but more through what they didn’t say or do rather than anything else. My parents rarely talked about money, and my Dad inherited the approach of ‘it’s the husband’s job to earn and look after finances, whilst the wife looks after the home and children’. As they got older, and I helped them with their finances, there was still this private approach; to the extent my Dad would not discuss money whilst my wife was in the room. But this aside, he did teach me some valuable lessons such as after university and I stayed at home. I offered to pay rent but he refused – his answer was that when they decided to have children, it meant supporting them until they could stand on our own two feet, and he honoured this commitment until I moved out with my first job. My Mum on the other hand taught me budgeting, or at least keeping track of money and how you spent it – knowing what you’ve got, and where it’s gone is a key part of achieving financial freedom. It stems from her being bought up in a large family in the East End of London, and I recall a conversation one summer holidays when we were talking about what we were going to do, and it struck me when she said that you don’t have a spend money to enjoy yourself. And that is possibly even more true now in this consumer-led society, but left me with a sense of ease just enjoying being alive, whether it’s a walk in the countryside, sitting in the sunshine reading a book or chatting with friends over dinner.
I’ll expand this a little, to some advice from my paternal Grandma (my Mum’s parents died before I was born, and my Granddad died when I was quite young) – she was literally ‘Victorian’ (born in 1900) and had what you might call a Victorian view of life. She abhorred debt, and would be furious with us if we took out even a small loan for a car. She and my Granddad saved for a deposit on a house before they got married and never even considered ‘living in sin’ until they were able to buy a house, and therefore get married. This personal ownership or commitment to decisions has impacted my outlook on life. We’re all adults – our decisions have consequences, and you shouldn’t expect to be bailed out just because times are tough. By all means, have a safety net if things go catastrophically wrong, but don’t rely on it as your default ‘Plan B’. When we were teenagers, we challenged her as all kids would, and she explained she learned from her mother; during the war the street in London was bombed and several neighbours’ houses were destroyed. She recalled as a young girl standing next to her Mother answering the door, it was Christian Aid offering her a hot pot of stew. Her mother replied “take it next door to someone who needs it”. Just because it’s on offer, you don’t have to take it as there’s always someone more deserving than you.
